Swim Suits

We currently reside in Kansas City, MO. The current temperature is 11º but it feesl like -7º. It's cold and bitterly so. No snow though, so that's a good thing. 

In about 4 months we will be leaving the midwest for sunnier and sandier shores. Literally. We're moving to Santa Rosa Beach, FL. To say that I'm excited would be the understatement of the century. To say that I'm scared, overwhelmed, nervous, and the rest of the emotions in the human capacity the same. Starting over is scary. Moving to the unknown also scary. We've done it twice before and this time we have an amazing blessing. Some of our closest friends are moving down there with us! We are currently in negotiations to try to get them to move into the SAME development as us so we can borrow sugar and stuff that neighbors do. (Audubon Point, Mariah!!!)

So since we are moving to Florida I will need a vast selection of swim suits, right? I mean I have two. And that works great for MO where the ocean is 15+ hours away. When it's 15 minutes away though, I feel like I will need more options.

I snuck away to Target the other day to look at swim suits. I was kid free, they were asleep and my husband was working on notes. I had nothing else to do, except laundry and EW. I've been consistently working out for a year now. I've been eating relatively healthy for the same. I just started a whole 60. I should feel confident in my skin. Be proud of the work that I've accomplished, the progress I've made. Something about the Target fitting room and the ill fitting suits demolished everything I've worked so hard for. I felt as though I hadn't made any progress. I felt like I looked exactly like I did before all of the work started. What is it about a piece of brightly colored spandex that can demolish self esteem so swiftly?

Who defines what looks "good" in a swim suit? Is it society? Me? Some random person on the beach? This morning I woke up and felt healthy. I felt strong and fit. Maybe the fitting room images have been forgotten from my brain. Maybe not. Maybe my hormones have leveled off some thanks to day 8 of w30. Who knows. All I know is that I have work to do. I have to accept my body, the imperfections. The stretch marks. The things I can't control all while keeping a progressive attitude. One that encourages work and progress. 

I'm not giving up on having a body that I'm not embarrassed of. I know that I will be able to attain this goal of self acceptance and love. I know that I can achieve that. Work is hard. If it was easy everyone would have 6-pack abs, right? 

I promise to post my before pictures soon. As embarrassing as those are, I think it's necessary to benchmark my progress. To prove to myself that I HAVE made huge strides towards fitness. Now though, I have to finish getting the kids ready for school. 

xoxo-

c

Allow Me To Introduce Myself

My name is Christia. I have always struggled with my weight. Always thought I was too fat, too wide, too this, too that. After the birth of my third son, Owen- he’s 4, I decided to start running. My dad has run his first marathon and I thought, If he can run a full marathon, I can start running too. So, I did. I started with the Couch to 5K app. It’s amazing. If you have desires to learn to run, I can’t recommend it enough. I feel like I finally started to understand how my body works. Why counting calories worked. What foods were off limits for me. I set realistic goals and celebrated as I met them. I was making leaps towards fitness and then the unthinkable and completely unexpected happened. I got pregnant.

After my daughter, Emilia- she’s 2, was born I knew that there were certain things that would allow me to get back to my goal weight. Running worked. Counting calories worked. Eating lots of veggies worked. I knew what worked, or so I thought. I quickly shed the baby weight and was back to my pre-E-pregnancy weight quickly. I still wasn’t satisfied.

It wasn’t about the number on the scale. It was more about how I felt mentally. How I looked in the mirror. I didn’t, don’t, want to be skinny. I want to be healthy.

Fast forward to December 2014. I’d heard a lot about paleo, and whole 30 and thought that there was no way that I could successfully complete something like that. No dairy? No grains? No gluten? No sugar?!?!? No soy, either? What the heck could I eat then.

December 1st I decided I would do a whole 30. Holidays be damned. I was stronger than sugar cookies, and chocolate chip cookies, and candy canes and…well I mean you kind of get the picture, right? I wasn’t. It’s a horrible time to attempt my first w30. I did like a full 11 or 12 days before my husband’s work holiday party. They had beef wellington, I just ate the beef, none of that wellington. Salad, fresh veggies. I tried so hard to stay true to the plan. To not eat anything ‘bad’ for me and was doing pretty decently. Until dessert. They had coconut cake. My one biggest weakness in life is coconut anything. So I ate it. And I felt SO incredibly nauseous afterwards but did that stop me from a downhill slide right towards batches of sugar cookie dough? Nope.

January 1 I vowed to start again. This time I prepared by reading the entire book, It Starts With Food If you’re considering, even entertaining the idea, of starting or doing a Whole 30, I highly encourage you to read the book. It’s so good. So informative without being overwhelming. Scientific without being boring. It’s a good read and I’m so glad I did read it. It made the w30 seem doable, and worth it. To retrain my body into wanting real and wholesome food vs. manufactured and processed garbage.

Tomorrow I’ll share with you my progress. This is me. This is my journey. I’m trying to be whole.