Swim Suits

We currently reside in Kansas City, MO. The current temperature is 11º but it feesl like -7º. It's cold and bitterly so. No snow though, so that's a good thing. 

In about 4 months we will be leaving the midwest for sunnier and sandier shores. Literally. We're moving to Santa Rosa Beach, FL. To say that I'm excited would be the understatement of the century. To say that I'm scared, overwhelmed, nervous, and the rest of the emotions in the human capacity the same. Starting over is scary. Moving to the unknown also scary. We've done it twice before and this time we have an amazing blessing. Some of our closest friends are moving down there with us! We are currently in negotiations to try to get them to move into the SAME development as us so we can borrow sugar and stuff that neighbors do. (Audubon Point, Mariah!!!)

So since we are moving to Florida I will need a vast selection of swim suits, right? I mean I have two. And that works great for MO where the ocean is 15+ hours away. When it's 15 minutes away though, I feel like I will need more options.

I snuck away to Target the other day to look at swim suits. I was kid free, they were asleep and my husband was working on notes. I had nothing else to do, except laundry and EW. I've been consistently working out for a year now. I've been eating relatively healthy for the same. I just started a whole 60. I should feel confident in my skin. Be proud of the work that I've accomplished, the progress I've made. Something about the Target fitting room and the ill fitting suits demolished everything I've worked so hard for. I felt as though I hadn't made any progress. I felt like I looked exactly like I did before all of the work started. What is it about a piece of brightly colored spandex that can demolish self esteem so swiftly?

Who defines what looks "good" in a swim suit? Is it society? Me? Some random person on the beach? This morning I woke up and felt healthy. I felt strong and fit. Maybe the fitting room images have been forgotten from my brain. Maybe not. Maybe my hormones have leveled off some thanks to day 8 of w30. Who knows. All I know is that I have work to do. I have to accept my body, the imperfections. The stretch marks. The things I can't control all while keeping a progressive attitude. One that encourages work and progress. 

I'm not giving up on having a body that I'm not embarrassed of. I know that I will be able to attain this goal of self acceptance and love. I know that I can achieve that. Work is hard. If it was easy everyone would have 6-pack abs, right? 

I promise to post my before pictures soon. As embarrassing as those are, I think it's necessary to benchmark my progress. To prove to myself that I HAVE made huge strides towards fitness. Now though, I have to finish getting the kids ready for school. 

xoxo-

c